


All The Stars

by VisiblyHidden



Series: Merrical Moments [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, character injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21598648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisiblyHidden/pseuds/VisiblyHidden
Summary: Merrin is injured during an ambush, and Cal is forced to reflect on his feelings for a certain Nightsister...
Relationships: Cal Kestis/Nightsister Merrin, Merrical
Series: Merrical Moments [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553065
Comments: 39
Kudos: 186





	All The Stars

Cal bursts onto the _Mantis,_ out of breath, but alive, quickly shutting the ramp door closed using the _Force._ In his arms, he cradles an unconscious Merrin, protectively. He’s hesitant to lay her down for fear of injuring her further, but he has no choice-though he doesn’t release her from his hold. He’d barely had time to comm Cere, letting her know they needed to leave the planet, and _fast._ The _Mantis_ is already speeding away from Tatooine, and away from the chaos by the time someone shouts his name.

“What happened!” Cal doesn’t know who’s asking. He’s too busy trying to make sure Merrin is still with him. “Cal!” He looks up finally, to see the panic stricken eyes of Cere.

“Merrin, sh-she’s....” He can’t even believe he’s saying this. “I-it happened so fast. We were ambushed.” He rushes out. She wants to know what exactly happened and how a routine stop for supplies could’ve possibly ended this way, but there’s no time for that right now.

Cere moves closer then, to get a good look at Merrin’s injuries. The moment she sees the amount of blood that coats Cal’s clothing, she pales. But apart from a few minor cuts and bruises, he seems alright. In that moment she’s relieved it’s not his blood, but Merrin...she didn’t deserve this either. No one ever did. “Go get the medkit! Hurry!” She tells him, but when he makes no move to leave, she shakes him. “Cal, you need to let go. I won’t be able to help her without it.” He looks back down at Merrin’s face, and Cere sees the way he lingers there, unwilling to take his eyes off of her. Hesitantly, Cal lets Cere take her, while he forces himself to stand, and retrieve the medkit.

All he wanted to do right now, was throw up. He’d seen his fair share of violence in his short life, but never in a million years, would he have imagined Merrin falling victim, and having to witness it all. How could this have happened? She was _right there,_ and then, she wasn’t.

Cal failed her, and now she was paying the price. He’s instantly reminded of his failure to protect his Master years before, and feels his vision start to blur. “Kid,” it’s Greez. “You better get that to Cere, quick.” Cal swallows nervously, but nods.

He finds that Cere has moved Merrin to her room, and she’s been placed on her bunk. Wordlessly, he hands the kit over, and watches. He feels so incredibly useless.

“You might want to step out for this. It won’t be pretty.” But Cal isn’t about to leave Merrin’s side. Not a chance. “I need to cut open her clothing, in order to take proper care of this blaster wound.”

“Oh, right. I’ll be…” He doesn’t bother finishing the thought, because Cere will know where to find him. As much as he wanted to stay with Merrin, she deserves her privacy.

The door hisses shut behind him, and he sinks into his seat. He feels all the adrenaline leave him, and suddenly he just wants to sleep. But he can’t. Cal doesn’t think he’ll ever get the image of Merrin, hurt and bleeding, out of his mind.

BD-1 hops onto the seat next to him, nuzzling his hand. The little droid must’ve sensed his master’s distress, and hoped to comfort him. He chirps when Cal doesn’t immediately acknowledge him. “I know BD, I’m worried about her too. But...it’s all my fault.”

The droid tilts his head quizzically, chirping once more in response. “The little guy’s right ya know.” Greez says, as he takes a seat across from him. “You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“How can I not blame myself? I should’ve sensed something was wrong, I should’ve-”

“Kid listen, I know. But blaming yourself isn’t going to help Merrin. You gotta be strong for her.” Cal considers his words for a moment, realizing that of course he was right. But it didn’t make it any better. “And besides, Cere knows what she’s doing. Merrin’s in good hands.” Again, he’s right.

“I think she tried to protect me…” Greez and BD-1 watch him silently, and wait for him to continue. “It happened so fast, w-we were just talking, and then…they just came out of nowhere.”

“Stormtroopers?” He nods, feeling the last bits of energy leave him.

“And I never…”

“Never what kid?”

“I never told Merrin how I felt about her.”

“I knew it!” Greez jumps up, clearly pleased with himself. Cal can’t help the glare he sends toward Greez, who in turn, deflates. “It’s just, I’ve had this bet with Cere for the last few months that you had a thing for Merrin…” Cal was sure there was more to that, but he really wasn’t in the mood to hear about it. “Sorry, uh I’m not so good in situations like these.”

“It’s fine.”

“She’ll be alright, kid.” Greez pats him on the back, in a feeble attempt to comfort him. “When Merrin wakes up, you make sure to tell her everything. And she _will_ wake up. Trust in the _Force._ ” BD-1 nudges him again, chiming in with his agreement.

“How would I even tell her something like that? It’s not like I have experience with this sort of thing. The Jedi...we were forbidden to have attachments.”

Greez smiles, “the Jedi order is gone, Cal. I’d say you’re not beholden to any of that stuff anymore.” He pauses for a moment, letting his words sink in. “All you gotta do, is speak from your heart. It’s scary, sure. But I really don’t think you have anything to worry about on that front.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“Kid, I’ve seen the way that girl looks at you,” he deadpanned. Cal wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. “My point stands. Trust in the _Force,_ and speak from your heart. But for now, try to get some shut eye, you look like you need it. One of us will wake you when there’s an update, okay?”

He nods, as Greez gives him one last look before heading off. Cal lays on his side, in the hopes of even a few moments of sleep. BD-1 settles comfortably next to him, intent on keeping watch over his master.

* * *

_“This place is too hot. I hate it.” Cal looks over to her, seeing the discomfort written all over her face, despite it being half hidden by her cloak._

_He laughs, “well maybe if_ **_someone_ ** _had listened to my advice, and not worn all those robes of yours, you’d be better off.” He tells her with a sly grin. Merrin had insisted on wearing her thick Dathomirian garb that she’d been accustomed to, so as not to be too noticeable._

_She huffs, “and have everyone stare at me? No thank you.” Cal looks around, seeing several passersby watch her, or maybe both of them, intently._

_“I hate to break it to you Mer, but they’re already staring.” He says matter of factly, but he can see Merrin’s lip curve upward in a slight grin._

_“Well, I’d rather have them stare at my robes, then my face. I’m sure I’d frighten them.”_

_“You don’t frighten me.”_

_“You’re different. You’ve never been afraid of me. Perhaps something’s wrong with you.” She levels him with a playful glare, and Cal feels like he’s on top of the world._

_They continue making their way through the town, picking up everything on the list of supplies Cere gave them. Cal is about to say something back, when an explosion nearly knocks the two of them off their feet. Suddenly, the sound of blaster fire can be heard nearby, followed by screams as everyone attempts to flee._

_The smoke clears just enough, and Cal can see several Stormtroopers heading their way. Without thinking twice, he grabs Merrin’s hand, pulling her up. “We’ve gotta go!” With their supplies forgotten, they weave in and out of the crowd, trying to keep their distance from the rapidly approaching troopers._

_Just as he’s about to clear a path of rubble in front of them with the Force, Merrin stops him. “Are you crazy? You can’t reveal yourself! We’ll find another way out of here.”_

_“But-”_

_“No! We’ll find another way.” She’s right, of course. Just as he’s about to respond, Merrin screams. “Cal! Look out!” And the next thing he knows, he’s been pushed to the ground, with Merrin to his side._

_His vision blurs, and he swears he sees stars. He turns slightly, body stiff and in pain from the force of the fall, and he sees Merrin laying there, face down. “Merrin,” he shakes her, attempting to wake her. “Merrin, come on we’ve gotta go.” With no response, he starts to panic. Slowly, he turns her over and to his horror, a large, gaping blaster wound meets his eye. She’s bleeding, a lot. Cal checks to see if she’s still alive, and finds the pulse he was looking for, but it’s faint. Several things run through his mind, but most importantly, he needs to get her out of here._

_He barely remembers someone tapping him on the shoulder, telling him that they knew a safe way out. And he barely remembers carrying Merrin’s limp body all the way back to the Mantis._

* * *

“Cal,” someone says, shaking him awake. He’d been tormented by nightmares of the ambush, and it takes a moment for him to realize he’s back on the _Mantis._ He startles, immediately sitting up. BD-1 seems only mildly irritated at being disturbed, if his chirping is anything to go by.

Cere had been the one to wake him. He looks for any sign of bad news, but her face remains unreadable. “Merrin, how is she?”

“It was a nasty wound, but she’ll pull through. She’s sleeping now, but I think she’d want to see you when she wakes.” Cal doesn’t even know what to say. He’d been preparing himself for the worst. “So…” she says in that tone of hers that tells him he’s about to be reprimanded, or teased. At this point, he’s not sure which one is worse. “Greez tells me I owe him some credits.” Cere gives him a knowing look, and Cal tries to stop his cheeks from flushing an embarrassing shade of red.

“Ah. So he told you then.”

“Of course he did.” She says with a sly grin. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You picked a good one.”

“Really?”

She laughs, “yes really. You should tell her. She needs to hear it.”

“But the Jedi…”

“Cal, what Greez said to you earlier...he was right. As much as it saddens me to say, the Jedi order is gone and it’s not coming back. You don’t need to live your life according to the Jedi way anymore.” She says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “So that means you can love whomever you wish, if that is what you choose.” 

Of course he’d known this, but hearing Cere say it, somehow makes it all real. “I don’t even know what I’d say…”

“You’ll figure it out.” She smirks, “go to her.” Cere heads out, leaving Cal to his thoughts. BD-1, sensing his master’s distress once more, nuzzles his hand.

“Thanks buddy. Let’s go see her.” The little droid chirps in agreement. He hops onto Cal’s back, as they head to Merrin’s room.

Once there, Cal hesitates for a split second, before opening the door. He sees Merrin, and she’s still sleeping. Her silvery hair is fanned out, and he thinks this is probably the first time he’d ever seen her hair down. It was... _beautiful_. All in all, she looks peaceful. If he hadn’t known what really happened to her, he might think she was only taking a regular nap.

He takes a seat right next to her bunk, and BD-1 settles himself next to Merrin, keeping a protective watch over her. Cal only has minutes to gather his thoughts, before she begins to stir.

She moves too quickly, groaning in pain. “Hey, hey, take it easy.” He helps her lay back down, and suddenly, her eyes are on him.

“Cal?”

“I’m here, Mer.”

She tries to smile, “I’m glad.” BD-1, feeling left out, chirps, alerting Merrin to his presence beside her. “I’m glad you’re here too.” She pats the little droid on his head, and he hums in response.

Cal clears his throat, “Cere says you’ll be okay.” Merrin nods slightly, and he can tell she’s still so tired and weak from everything that happened. But he has to know why she’d do something so stupid. “Why’d you do it?”

“Hm?” He knows she heard him, but he repeats the question anyway. “Why wouldn’t I? I wasn’t about to let you take all the credit.” She says, attempting a sly grin.

But Cal on the other hand, can’t find it in himself to laugh. “I’m serious Mer.” Something in his tone must have changed, because all traces of humor leave Merrin’s face.

“Do you really think I’d just stand by and let you die for me?”

“But the thing is, _you_ almost died-”

“I did what I had to do.” She interrupts, but he continues.

“-and you didn’t even think what that would do to me.” He hadn’t planned to say it _that_ way, but it’s out now. He can’t look at her, and he’s sure she’s about to let him down nicely, and he really can’t stand to look her in the eyes when she does it.

“But...did you ever think what it would do to _me,_ if something happened to you?” Her words shock him. That was _not_ what he was expecting.

“I…”

“Cal, you must know how important you are to me.” She pauses, taking his hand in her own. “And if you think I’d ever watch you get hurt, or _worse,_ then you really don’t know me. You are everything to me.”

Cal can’t breathe. This is everything he’d wanted for months now, and to hear her say these things is like a dream come true. “Mer, I…” he almost hates how she has the ability to render him speechless.

“Don’t say anything.” She says, effectively silencing him. “I know your heart, Cal Kestis.” BD-1 nudges their hands, reminding them of his presence. The droid chirps again, and this time, Cal smiles.

“You’re right buddy, she’s a keeper.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi!
> 
> Find me on tumblr @hothmess 😃


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